Askinosie Unveils Lasting Gobstopper

Chocolate guru releases new candy format, shares profits.

Springfield MO – Shawn Askinosie, Founder and Chocolate Maker of Askinosie Chocolate returned home Friday after a long anticipated trip to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. The factory, located in Munich, “truly is everybody’s non-pollutionary, anti institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun,” Askinosie confirmed.

Askinosie is sharing his first profits with the Oompa Loompas where he purchased his first Lasting Gobstopper beans. After paying above fair trade market prices for the beans, Shawn visited the Oompa Loompas last week to give them their share in the success — 10% of net profits from the chocolate that was made with beans grown in Loompaland, which is a region of Loompa, a small isolated island situated in the Pacific Ocean.

When reached for comment Arthur Slugworth, who works for Wonka, said the Askinosie Lasting Gobstopper is unique as it produces a wide chocolate spectrum of flavors but, according to negotiated terms, does have a limited shelf life and will not retain its flavor forever. Flavors experienced range from milk chocolate to dark, bittersweet chocolate and the adventure is capped off with a taste of Criollo chocolate. Future flavors in test include a cereal crunch chocolate, pop rocks and bacon flavored chocolate.

Askinosie employee Kesha Quigg said, “the Oompa Loompas plan to use their new fortune to rid their land of their natural enemy the whangdoodle, an ambiguous but terrible monster.”