Two Women Use Jedi Mind Trick To Rob Joplin Businesses

Joplin, MO—Police are looking for two women who stole a train suspension system from the F A G Bearings plant on Tuesday night. Police said one of the women posed as a F A G employee and the second played the role of customer. The duo also reportedly made off with a 52-inch, flat-screen Samsung TV worth $1,300 from Wal-Mart on Monday night.

“Listen, if anyone sees two women, one dressed as an employee and the other dressed as a customer, walking out of a place of business with high dollar merchandise please call us immediately,” pleaded Joplin Police officer Hal Ketchum.

Police Cpl. Chuck Niess said, by the time any real F A G Bearings employees became suspicious, both women were gone. He said the phony employee, dressed as a F A G Bearings worker, recruited some true employees to help her load the train suspension system on a forklift, transport it into a waiting truck and convinced a driver to deliver the pair and their cargo to the train station, only after stopping at the gas station for beef jerky and Mountain Dew.

“The woman dressed like an employee had incredible mind powers,” said Ned Keefer, shift manager at F A G Bearings, “when I asked for her identification she waved her hand and said ‘You don’t need to see my identification’ and I told her to ‘go about her business. Move along, move along.’ Man I totally fell for it!”

Officials are seeking any information regarding people who claim their religion as Jedi and those who have intergalactic combat training. Local business owners are urging the women to use their powers for good.

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