Economy Gives the “Q” New Events

Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in and providing the jobless with a venue of hope.

Governor Jay Nixon said, “I hope that we can find the same joy watching a skilled applicant receive a job offer, as we do watching an athletic, college-aged kid cut to the basket, juke a poser and jam in down the hoop tomahawk style….boom, that’s awesome!” as he chest-bumped one of his security detail.

A JQH arena spokesman said they have seen ticket sales jump since the new events have been announced. “Jobless in Springfield” seems to be the largest attraction as area spectators plan to pay up to $40 a ticket to watch people compete in various tests of endurance to win entry level positions. “I can’t wait to see the business men face off in the joust,” said Huey Younger who purchased season tickets at the “Q”. Other popular events include, Receptionist as Deceptionist, VP Cage Match, and Lower-level Limbo. “This is better than reality tv, better than the Romans’ Coliseum, this is real life survival of the fittest!” continued Younger.

“I signed up for the breadline but they entered me into the ‘lion fighting for financial freedom’ event,” said an elderly surely-to-be-sacrificed to the beasts former Wal-Mart greeter. Missouri State University is responsible for the maintenance and bills at JQH arena and is hopeful that these new “employment events” will breathe new life into the facilities.

If the economy really tanks over the next few months, public executions via the guillotines, stoning and other medieval torture events will fill the traditional “entertainment” void.

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