Premonition Turns Into Really, Really Bad Idea

Springfield, MO—In a unfortunate moment of recognition John Yettaw, the Falcon Freestyler, came to realize that his otherworldly premonition was actually a really, really bad idea. The thought came to him after he landed at Springfield-Branson National Airport, starting the final leg of his return home on Wednesday.

“If I had it to do all over again, I’d hope to have a vision of going to Disney World and swimming across the lagoon at Snow White’s castle. That wouldn’t cause an international outcry,” said Yettaw.

Yettaw, 53, was arrested May 6 after swimming across a lake with hand made plastic-bottle swimmies to visit Aung Sang Suu Kyi, a house-imprisoned political activist’s home. He claimed he was trying to warn her of a possible attempt on her life. Yettaw’s wife, Betty, said her husband had previously swum to the house last year in the hope of interviewing Suu Kyi for a paper he was writing on post-traumatic stress disorder. “I’ve collected plenty of information now, thank you very much Senior General Than Shwe!” screamed Yettaw.

After being released from a Burmese prison where he was serving a seven-year sentence of hard labor for violating Burma law, Yettaw hopes that his premonitions include less law-breaking and more lawn-basking. “I’d love to get a slip n’ slide and pretend I was saving a person if only I could slide across my lawn on a strip of plastic. Perhaps a ‘Crocodile Mile’ would seem more dangerous,” said Yettaw.

Yettaw’s swim may have made Burmese opposition leader Aung Sang Suu Kyi’s house arrest a life sentence. The CIA, US Government nor the squalidly mean and corrupt Burmese intelligence offered to comment on how a Midwestern grandfather could swim farther than the wave pool at White Water exactly at the critical moment when Suu Kyi could have been released.

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