MSU to Sell JQH Arena, Cut Majors

MSU to sell assets in order to gain much needed funds for 2010

Springfield, MO—In a bid to secure funding for 2010, Missouri State University president Michael Neitzel plans to sell university assets, the first to go is JQH arena.
Said Neitzel, “I’m having our finance department run the numbers and we can get quite a bit of chump change for that airplane hangar on our campus.”

When questioned, officials said the only person that would be interested in purchasing the venue would be John Q. Hammons. It is assumed that he would then lease the property to himself and subcontract employees to run Hammons Field, while leasing that property to the JQH Arena at the same time writing off the costs of each against each other using magic mumbo-jumbo accounting secrets.

“After we sell the “Hammons” properties, we’ll need new sponsors for every building,” said a visibly excited Neitzel. “Then we could build more cash by selling the naming rights to each classrooms as well.”

While the university plans to keep most majors in tact, they do plan to cut common areas that suffer under most businesses including the marketing, restaurant management and travel majors. “Nobody’s eating out, going on vacations or spending anything on marketing, so we won’t either,” said one university official.

Students are feeling the pinch too; many have offered up their own plans for saving money and resources. “Man, I’d stay home and skip or delay my classes for a few weeks if necessary,” said Benny Filler, MSU Junior. “I don’t want to go out into this job market.”

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