Train Wreck Politician Sells Out

Former Gov. Palin sells out in the Ozarks

Point Lookout, MO—All available Sarah Palin tickets have been snapped up by local Ozarkers, curious to see the woman who dashed Republican hopes of another run in the White House during the 2008 Presidential election. Governor Palin is scheduled to address a crowd at College of the Ozarks December 2, as a featured speaker in the Leonard B. and Edith Gittinger Community Convocation series.

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) had it locked up when he announced her as his running mate. Then she opened her mouth and the train smashed off the tracks, never to come back. “My friends, I was forced to choose a running mate that enjoyed the lowest vote of confidence in a running mate since the elder George Bush chose then-Indiana senator Dan Quayle to join his ticket in 1988. My bad my friends,” he said shrugging his shoulders in disbelief.

Since quitting the Governorship in Alaska, she has consumed her time shooting wolves out of a helicopter, finding places to “drill, drill, drill” and considering if, in fact, men and dinosaurs coexisted on an Earth created 6,000 years ago.

Lucky ticket holder Jan Hummton said, “I can’t wait to see what nonsense she spews from the pulpit at this event. I’ll be able to tell my kids that I saw Sarah Palin, the woman who paved the way for Barack Obama’s Presidency, firsthand here in the Ozarks.”

Palin tentatively plans to cripple the Republican ticket in 2012 by announcing her bid for the Presidency. “You betcha, I personally believe, everywhere, like, such as, therefore that we can build a bridge to nowhere in 2012 because it is not here yet.” said Plain, the former beauty queen turned politician.

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