Vaccine Vendors Flourish on “Swine Flu”

A vaccine vendor pushes underground H1N1 product onto an unsuspecting public

A vaccine vendor pushes underground H1N1 product onto an unsuspecting public

Springfield, MO—Street vendors are seeing an increase in business this autumn as the flow of H1N1 vaccine has come to a trickle here in the Ozarks. According to public health officials, doses are now only available via physicians or from hospitals.

Those seeking immediate vaccination have turned to the streets, specifically underground vaccine vendors. “H1N1 Vaccine Here!, Get’cha H1N1 Vaccine,” said one vendor as he crossed the street at Glenstone and Sunshine, offering black market medicine to passing motorists.

These quacks are to be avoided at all costs considering they are brewing their own snake oil and passing it off as a seasonal flu vaccine or H1N1 says the Springfield Flu Coalition.  High-risk recipients, pregnant women, those 65 and older, adults with chronic health conditions, people caring for children are those who have been lining back alleyways and sewer systems seeking a quick fix to this years designer flu strand.

George Hilton said, “I used a vaccine from one of these vendors. Paid $45 for a hit and alls it did was made me crap like a hamster for a week!” Others in the area experienced great anticipation waiting for the vaccine. “Oh I just couldn’t wait to get those anti-bodies into my body,” said Joann Dextrey, “I scored a dime bag of vac-smack for my entire bridge group.”

The H1N1 vaccine is considered a “federal asset” therefore making illegal distribution, consumption or underground trafficking of the product a criminal offense. However, the high street value will continue to tempt Springfield residents looking to make a quick buck.

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