Springfield, MO—The Christmas spirit has once again affected neighborhood congestion and increased neighbor frustration as Jimmy Kilroy plasters his home and lawn with thousands of holiday lights. Every Christmas, Kilroy spends months decorating his exterior with festive animatronics, hanging hundreds of twinkling light strands and choreographing them to holiday music.
Locals flock to Kilroy’s street to see the extravagant indulgence disguised as the “Christmas Spirit” while overwhelming his local electric power sub station. “I can’t stand the holidays anymore living next to him. It took my 45 minutes to get into my driveway last night. Can’t these people just go away? This is my home, my home,” said Julie Newton sobbing as she spoke.
A City Utilities spokesman commended Kilroy’s efforts saying, “I’m sure we would all receive a significantly lower bonus each year if he decided to hang up his holiday celebrations. We wish more people in this community would follow his lead and increase their energy usage, ah, increase their Christmas Spirit, rather, every year.”
“Who does this guy think he is causing a damn roadblock with his twinkling lights? I can’t get down my street from all the rubberneckers and the intense light from his yard keeps me awake every night!” said an unidentified angry neighbor.
Kilroy is currently accepting donations to pay for his electronic vomit of exterior illumination celebration. “If the man can’t pay for it himself, he should shut it down. Is this charity or encouraging a spectacle?” muttered the unnamed neighbor as he destroyed the reindeer display nearest his lawn by kicking it in the carefully choreographed light-up chest.
Filed Under: Traffic