Church Traffic Is Parking Lot Purgatory

Local Reverend escapes hellish church parking lot traffic with Monster Truck

Springfield, MO —After a wonderful church service preaching harmony and brotherhood, First & Harmony United Church members were hell bent on getting out of the parking lot.

Cutting off Deacon Grover, Rebecca Shroud – the Children’s Music Minister – stealthily avoided a collision and exited onto Cherry Street, freed to meet her friends at lunch to discuss Reverend Mathis’ sermon on harmonious living.

Other churchgoers were not so lucky to escape quickly. Several of the congregation were stuck in a long twisting line, jockeying for position toward the exits. Tighter than a pew on Easter Service, cars filled with recipients of the pastors message of hope and tolerance edged closer to the exit with little hope of avoiding a 20-minute wait.

One motorist, Gail Hubbard, patiently waited for an opening to make a left turn into the exit line when she suddenly snapped and gunned her minivan into a competitive position, nearly removing a BMW bumper in the process.

Gene Roark was seen slamming his firsts onto his steering wheel cursing the devil’s traffic jam then finally burst into tears. Secretary Jarvis tailgated Office Manager Joan Higgins SUV as she cleared a path through the masses.

Reverend Mathis was seen bursting out the back of the church in his Bigfoot Crushin’ Crusadermobile, race down a runway flanked with bursting flames and fireworks and hit a ramp sending the Reverend into the air, over the parking lot and smash down a top the children’s playground equipment, easily avoiding the congressional congestion.

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