Archive for January, 2010
Global Warming Dethawed by “Going Black”
Springfield, MO— Citizens are banding together in a grassroots movement to toss aside their “Green” lifestyles in favor of “Going Black” to encourage global warming and increase local temperatures. Sub arctic temperatures have terrorized Southwest Missouri, welcoming snow and ice that has caused discomfort, irritation and a general lack of production. Ozarkers are welcoming global […]
Snowplow Driver Creates Snow Maze
Springfield, MO—Kyle Hertz, a local snowplow driver for the City of Springfield created the area’s coolest snow maze out of boredom yesterday in the Battlefield Mall parking lot. Hertz was credit with the artistic, mind-challenging creation after several hours of work and tedious snow plowing. According to sources, Hertz was seen plowing excess snow into […]
KSPR Threat Meter to add Meth Lab Neighbor and Overzealous Sexual Offender
Springfield, MO—With the recent onslaught of treacherous winter weather, KSPR has introduced the Threat Meter to help Ozarkers understand the most likely means by which they will die in the near future. Over the past several weeks, the meter has gained popularity by including threats such as “snow,” “ice,” “wind,” and “cold.” However, these threats […]
Snowstorm Sponsored by Local Supermarkets
Springfield, MO—The coldest winter storm to hit the Ozarks in a decade will be brought to you by your local supermarkets this week. The local grocers network has pooled funds to sponsor the dangerous weather that will render this area helpless and immobile. Better stock up now before the paranoia promotion ends. “We derive a […]
Auditions For Reality Show Coming to Dade County
Greenfield, MO—Bravo TV has announced plans for a new reality series to be filmed in the Ozarks. Auditions for “The Real Housewives of Dade County” will be held on January 22 at the Opera House in Greenfield. According to a spokesman, Bravo TV was drawn towards Dade County as a way to grow the “Real […]
Ice Cycle-Slyde Opens After Snowfall
Springfield, MO—Snowy weather provided the catalyst for a Ice Cycle-Slyde, a new booming business located at the former Hydra Slyde site. Several teenagers attended the grand opening with their inner tubes, plastic sleds, steel runner mini toboggans and snow boards. “A dude named Chip was taking a $5 entry fee; I don’t think he really […]
