Groundhog Day Celebrated via Rotisserie

Rotisserie g-hog tastes like dark or white meat, depending on shadow recognition

Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades.

“Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under the mobile home,” said Erv Livingston. Notable among sociologists, the groundhog has long been associated with the ability to understand Earthly wind patterns to determine the length of winter while still remaining a sustaining appetizer.

“If I had a nickel for every time one of these G-hogs hit my pit I’d be a richer man than I am now…I’d be more nickelful,” quipped Rodney Trimble a local BBQ groundhog connoisseur.

Trimble said, “all you gots to do is take a gun, .22 preferred, and aim it at the head, squeeze off a round, then skin and gut. The carcass can then be cleaned with a water hose. After quartering the critter, toss it into a trash bag of your favorite seasonings and marinade in the icebox for 3-4 days. When ready remove and grill to medium well and serve paired with Olympia canned beer.”

Livingston said the taste of G-hog depends upon the actions taken immediately before the animal is harvested. “If the groundhog sees his shadow before I hit ‘em in the head with a slingshot it tastes like dark meat, if he don’t see it then he tastes like white meat. Y’know chicken. The bacon on the G-hog tastes like bacon. It is just in smaller strips.”

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