Chili Cook-off Releases Giant Fart-Plagues City

Thousands of beefers combine to make a gas blast during the Sertoma Chili Cook-off

Thousands of beefers combine to make a gas blast during the Sertoma Chili Cook-off

Springfield, MO—A grotesque stench filled the Ozarks after the 29th annual Sertoma Club’s chili cook-off propelled a great brown cloud of turd-flavored air into the atmosphere. The Springfield Expo Center was exposed to the most foul and most expected form of gaseous discharge as dozens of local vendors gathered together to prepare gastro-igniting chili dishes for thousands of attendees.

Organizers were quick to point out that human flatulence is always a serious concern at this event and steps were taken to minimize the impact of thousands of attendees airbrushing the boxers, floating air biscuits, and strangling the stank monkey after consuming chili. Exhaust fans in the Expo center had been fitted with a special flatus-filter, to dissipate the insane methane and distribute it safely into the air after being cleansed. However, engineers underestimated the sheer volume of heinous anus—over 42 tons of butt tuba—that overwhelmed the system and clogged the upper levels of the facility.

According to observers, at 5:30 pm a loud wompus cat noise could be heard ripping the roof of the Expo Center open shaking the entire building as the gaseous intestinal by-products could no longer be contained and burst forth. The pressure caused by inverted burps was intense.

“We heard a huge noise, saw the roof raise a little bit then were hit with a stink torpedo,” said Jennifer Hooper. “It was pretty bad, I saw people placing chili bowls to their mouths so they could breathe and get out.”

Meteorologists expect the Ozarks to smell like a trouser cough for 3 weeks as the odor bubble hangs in the atmosphere. “That was a giant ass-plosion. I estimate it measured a 7.4 on the Rectum scale,” said geologist Frank Rizzo.

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  1. Amber Wilks says:

    lol. I think this is some of the best event coverage I’ve seen in a long time! Good work guys. :)

  2. Legin says:

    I knew I wasn’t crazy… the City stinks. Some weeks more than others. LOL