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Lamar Uses Magic Beans to Form Billboard Messages

Magic beans are used to form an advertising message along HWY 65

Magic beans are used to form an advertising message along HWY 65

Springfield, MO—A local outdoor advertising company has engineered a breakthrough technology in billboard advertising: magic beans. Lamar Advertising Company has acquired the rights and patented the process for planting the mysterious seeds under an existing structure, which then produce an advertising message.

“The outdoor advertising industry has been investigating new technologies for some time now. We’ve done electronic message boards, digital displays even transit advertising and vehicle wraps, for a long time there was no new innovation until now,” said Newton Younger, a research and development manager for Lamar.

“We began looking at the past to reengineer a new take and found that magic beans could be genetically altered to produce consumer friendly messages. All we have to do is plant the beans, recite a quick spell and boom, two weeks later instant advertising,” said Younger.

Lamar has retrained their employees to care for the beans and instructed them in the planting and application of spells, which was a hard transition for at least one long-time billboard worker in the field. “I was around when we had a bucket and a brush and had to paste the paper to the frame, now alls I gots to do is say the right thing and use the right bean and we’re done,” said Hank Freuly, a billboard production specialist.

According to Lamar, most employees have successfully completed the training process, however, Hank continues to curse while administering the spell, which produces vulgar and abrasive results.

“Once we were putting up a board for a church and Hank was really nervous and frustrated and said ‘Jesus these *freakin’* beans are *freakin’* *freakin’* with me,” said Jerald Bowser a co-worker, “We went to lunch and came back to find a rather unflattering message had been produced. Something like ‘Jesus is ‘effin with you, ya bean ‘effer!’ These spells are very sensitive.”

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  1. Jared says:

    One of my best friends is a crew leader for Lamar and he hung this billboard! Hilarious article! I love what you are doing. Found you on Twitter.

  2. Legin says:

    This is brilliant. I enjoy your take on real life. I was a little disappointed that I could not add a subscription via email… I would love to have notification of new “news”.