Springfield, MO—Stuck in a low income, dead-end job, Joan Embers has placed her children’s future on the results of the NCAA Men’s Tournament this week. Placing “$25,000 on a whim is stupid, but placing it on a sure winner is pure genius,” said Embers.
According to Embers, she employed a sophisticated style of selection process by pitting opponent’s mascots against each other. “Usually, in a forest fight, a dog will beat an owl so I picked Butler Bulldogs over the Temple Owls,” revealed Embers.
Strategies such as these are usually frowned upon by bookies and grizzled veterans of NCAA office pools. “She did what? Woman be crazy!,” said Tracey Higgins, a co-worker of Embers at the City of Springfield. “Damn, I don’t pick a dog over a bird, I pick a quality team over a underachieving team. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Not dog over bird.”
If she wins, Embers plans to invest the proceeds into MOST: Missouri‘s 529 College Savings Plan. “She’ll prolly win because she has no idea what the hell is going on. Can’t tell the difference ‘tween Duke and dookie,” said Higgins, “I hope she adopts me”.
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