Branson Comedians Required To Wear Dentures for 2010 Season

A Branson entertainer about to add his comedic chops

A Branson entertainer about to add his comedic chops

Branson, MO—FCN has learned the Missouri Department of Health Services is unveiling plans to require all Branson comedians wear dentures during the 2010 season. A DHS insider wishing to remain anonymous told FCN, “We have overlooked it for years because it was quaint and funny but for front-row patrons, it really has the potential of turning into a nasty health issue.”

Officials looked the other way on the no-teeth rule citing the tremendous economic boom the toothless funny men brought to the Branson economy. The source continued, “We let it get really out of hand, now nearly every single show on the strip features a toothless act.”

Local orthodontist Bob Mussleman said, “We went to a show last season and health concern aside, it was way scary to watch.” Mussleman went on, “Hell that guy with no teeth gave my wife nightmares for weeks and she has just now stopped wetting the bed.” He went on, “When you can buy a set of really nice choppers for $79.95 plus tax, there is simply no excuse.”

A spokesperson for the powerful Droopy Drawers brand told FCN, “Mr. Drawers is devastated by this development.” Continuing, “He wants his fans to know that he is a trained professional and his trademark ability to pull his bottom lip up past the bridge of his nose would be greatly hindered with enforcement of this onerous denture requirement.” It is uncertain how this will affect the upcoming tourist season but one local Branson Convention and Visitors Bureau staffer summed up this way; “Hey DHS, bite me!”

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  1. momtrucker says:

    I think it is terrible to require people to wear dentures. I have no top teeth and had dentures made. I have not been able to get them ajusted to fit properly, they hurt my mouth and don’t stay in most of the time, so I don’t wear them. It would be a real crime if the comedians were doing their jokes, the dentures come flying out of their mouth, and hit a front-row patron in the head or face, doing facial damage to the guest. Talk about having nightmares. That would do it for me.