Springfield, MO—According to procedures, the excessivie fines incurred by the loss of $7.45 million to the City of Springfield for back taxes and attoryney’s fees will be paid for by customer fee hikes. “Alexander Grahm Bell always said we should tax our customers whenever we fail to live up to our business obligations,” said local AT&T representative Dick Overyou.
Mr. Overyou continued, “our country was based on the fact that we won’t be taxed without representation. Well our representation has failed and now we must tax our users.”
Springfield citizens realized the effects of the judgment against AT&T with a surcharge added to their bill this month. “So, if I don’t pay my taxes and the government fines me and I pay, I can turn around and charge someone else for my indiscretions? God love America,” said John Melton, a local man who can barely afford to make ends meet.
According to reports, Southwestern Bell Telephone Company, known now as AT&T Missouri, will pay millions of dollars in fines that will be directed into the police and firefighters pension fund. “I guess that’s a fine place to put the money,” said Les Fuykme, “but why do we as customers have to make up the difference for AT&T Missouri’s financial accounting mistakes? Guess the bailouts are still occurring at the local level.”
“I swear to God, if Verizon ever gains access to the iPhone I will piss atop the grave that will be AT&T,” said Melton. “I am currently developing an app called ‘All Taxes & Tithes’ that when purchased donates a portion of sales to the City of Springfield. The app plays a little ditty by Billy Idol called “Rebel Yell”.
Filed Under: Crime