Sumbitch Redneck Admits Soccer is “Entertaining”

Sombitch hopes the "South" enters a team into World Cup 2014

Springfield, MO—Joe Marshall, local sumbitch redneck, admitted Saturday that watching the FIFA World Cup games were in fact “entertaining as greasin’ up a sow and sticking yams to her face.”

Marshall spent Saturday afternoon watching the United States National team battle it out on the pitch with great enthusiasm. “I wuz watching our boys rip up the turf trying to pound the ball down the English’s necks. Now that’s sumfin’ I can git behind!” he stated.

Previous to Saturday’s match, Marshall said he wouldn’t be caught “sniffin’ the soccer” tilt. However, Marshall was invited to a watch party at a neighbors house and everyone in attendance was watching the game.

“He was a bit sweaty at first, as he thought that others at the party might think that he was a wee schoolgirl for actually taking an interest in soccer. Which is foolish. Once everyone in the room gasped after Tim Howard took a shot to the ribs he was on board,” said Sid Tuniper, host of the watch party.

The night was capped off with Marshall fully embracing the American spirit as he stripped off his overalls and donned an American flag and ran through Tuniper’s neighborhood naked as a jaybird proclaiming his newfound love of the beautiful game.

“S’long as we ‘Mericans get to beat the tar-nation out of other countries I’m all for this communist sport,” said Marshall as he bounced a falling beer can off his knee and into his hand in a juggling motion.

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