Man Cheats Life with Disloyalty Card

Man flashes his disloyalty card as he mistakenly destroys his own carefully planned life

Springfield, MO—Wednesday Tony Ugumba was provided with a “Disloyalty Card” at his local coffee shop; a card he used to excess. In a 6-hour period, Ugumba effectively destroyed his credit, marriage, and his friend’s trust, all in one afternoon.

According to witnesses, Ugumba lied on a loan application to gain access to over $25,000 in funds. He used a portion of the money to make a small down payment on a 2011 red Corvette which he drove until crashing into a Pineapple Whip stand on Glenstone Avenue, all of which he has denied.

Later in the afternoon, Ugumba – a married man – was seen leaving a gentlemen’s club with several women. John Mikayla, a close personal friend of Ugumba’s said he confronted the man and “Tony just flashed this ‘disloyalty card’ in my face and said ‘I’ve got two more hole punches to use, let’s go to Vegas!’ He clearly didn’t understand how the card was intended to be used.”

The “Disloyalty Card” was provided as part of a promotion to encourage coffee drinkers to jump around to different establishments tasting new specialty brews. When informed of this misinterpretation Ugumba said, “No…really. Are you sure? I may need to make a few calls.”

A representative for Dancing Mule Coffee said, “while we don’t take responsibility for the actions of Mr. Ugumba by providing him with a disloyalty card, we do find it rather remarkable that he took our promotional effort to fulfill his wildest fantasies.”

The Disloyalty Card for coffee can be found here, it is unclear if an alternative card will be issued to facilitate one’s disloyalty in everyday life.

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