Springfield, MO—According to sources, one particular ice cream man, identified as Dave, has been setting up shop outside a local dentist office, apparently trying to rot potential patients’ teeth.
“Y’know it looks real suspicious when the local dentist’s office has an ice cream man parked out front. I know times are hard, but to peddle ice cream in that location is like giving a quart of battery acid to meth heads as they exit jail,” said Milford Humkort.
The local dentists group has denied any knowledge of the ice cream man and his activities and simply said via press release “he usually passin’ by just about eleven o’clock. We let him come by one time, now we’re a regular stop.”
Little Jimmy Eugler, 10 years old, claimed he had just had three cavities filled by the dentist, when he exited the building with his mother and was greeted by overwhelming heat and humidity. “Luckily, there was an ice cream man right there in the parking lot. He was really nice and he had bim bam banana pops, dixie cups…all flavors and pushups too!” said Eugler. Who consumed a double scoop chocolate mint ice cream cone before he had exited the parking lot in the family van.
One dentist, Dr. Joy Feelgood said, “summertime’s here and you need something to keep you cool. Better look out though, Dave’s got something for you.” When pressed for more details regarding the deterioration of people’s chicklets and if she felt any satisfaction for promoting unhealthy grills, Feelgood smiled, winked and said, “all his flavors are guaranteed to satisfy.”
Conspiracy theorists claim that the dentists have hired Dave to create revenue, and provide him with a kickback for every ice cream treat sold that directly contributes to a visit to the dentist. However, nine out of ten dentists had no idea what this was all about.
Filed Under: Health