Springfield, MO -
In what could only be seen as a munificent gesture to reach out to the other side of Division Street, Springfield’s lauded Rountree Historical Homes Tour is expanding its ability to evoke oohs and ahs this year by adding several addresses from the Quarry View Trailer Court on West Chestnut Expressway.
“It’s our way of keeping with this exciting new era of hope and change,” explained tour chairperson Muffy Kaiserbunn. “And its a great opportunity for the gals from Highland and Hickory to see that it’s not as scary as they think once you venture north of Bijan’s and The Little Theatre.”
Organizers of the tour decided to add three vintage single wides to the tour after growing criticism that the popular event was just another excuse for Springfield’s Jet Set to chat about the miracle of trust funds while writing tax-deductible donation checks.
Northside activist and Quarry View resident, Wade Swearingen, a former client of Kaiserbunn’s defense attorney husband, was instrumental in getting the tour expanded. “Hell, we know our digs ain’t as fancy as all them mansions down there,” explained Swearingen as he chucked a half-empty Coors can at a stray pit bull. “But we’re just as proud to have our piece of the American dream…pie…whatever it is, and I welcome anyone who wants to see my place, long as they keep their cotton pickers off my pocket knife collection.”
A trolley car has been booked to transport homes tour patrons from Rountree to Quarry View and back, with a midtown stop for a sumptuous lunch at Flame Steakhouse for seasoned patrons, followed by a drive-thru at Hardees for those who prefer a less pricey repast.
This year’s impressive list of sponsors includes perennials Just for Him, Ocean Zen, and Maxon’s Jewelers, with first-timers Dollar General, Gold Exchange, Fast Cash Loans, and Buck’s Bail Bonds.
Velma Crudder, whose Quarry View residence is on the tour, was guarded about the pressure of showing off her home to strangers. “Well, s’pose I’ll really have to pick up the place, sweep the floor and the like. Prolly just keep the bathroom closed if Wade and Miss what’s-her-name don’t mind,” Mrs. Crudder commented. “I can’t see why nobody would be interested in seeing this place, anyway, but if people like dragging they feet through other people’s living rooms, who am I to say?” she added.
Kaiserbunn, however, was certain of the tour’s success. “This year we can finally claim that the tour is an all-Springfield inclusive happening, and that anyone who wants to see how the other half lives, regardless of the imagined barriers of social position and financial status, has the opportunity to do so!”
Tickets for the tour are three-hundred dollars per person, firm. Lunch not included.
Filed Under: Economy