Meth Addict Wins Costume Contest

Tweaker unknowingly wins costume contest

Springfield, MO — Springfield’s first annual city-wide Halloween costume contest was held Halloween evening at Party City on Campbell. Hundreds of Springfield residents came to attend in hopes of winning the grand prize of $500 cash. The catch was that to be eligible to win the costume contest, one’s costume needed to be Missouri-themed—or even better yet, Springfield-themed. “Making everyone dress up in a way related to Missouri or Springfield seemed to be a great way to tie us all together,” said Party City owner and operator, George Atwood. “It also forces our contestants to get really creative with their costumes. Though for those who didn’t want to make their own outfits, we did develop and start selling John Q Hammons masks. They sold really well, by the way.”

“I was really impressed with the variety of costumes I saw,” commented Stacy Finkelstein, who is a Party City employee and served as a judge for the competition. “These people came up with everything—from Billy Long, to a flowering dogwood, to Mark Twain, to sexy Mark Twain!”

The contest’s winner was Derek Hill, who the attendees and judges thought dressed up as an addict of methamphetamine—and Hill did dress up as such, but only because he was, in fact, a meth addict who had accidentally wandered into Party City, thinking he was at Incredible Pizza, which has become a local hotspot for meth dealing. It wasn’t until after the cash prize was given to Hill, did the judges realize that he was a legitimate meth-head.

“We considered taking back the money and giving it to the second-place winner,” said Atwood, “but Derek Hill just looked so good! Well, I mean, he didn’t look good at all—terrible, actually. But he deserved it.”

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