Ready For Change: Vending Machine Degrees

Vending machines now offer degrees

Springfield, MO – To help President Obama increase the number of
college-educated Americans, Bryan College will offer associate degrees via
vending machine in the Spring 2011 semester. This is a bold but
inevitable change, according to Bryan College administrator Haf Hiddin,
who has reworked the BC education system to be less teacher-driven
and more student-friendly.
“We do need more Americans with degrees,” says Hiddin, “so why
not offer them through vending machines?” While some educators
suspect the President just wants another program that looks good on
paper but lacks substance, Springfield vending machine provider Glen
Getcher promises that it’s not all just about that piece of paper. “The
BC degree comes with a synthetic leather frame, too,” he says.
The Getcher BC Degrees vending machines will be positioned at convenience stores across Springfield. But beyond accessibility, the move to vending machine degrees represents a significant departure from traditional education. “In the old model, education gets bogged down in teaching and teachers,” Hiddin says. “That was sometimes difficult for our students to navigate. We’ve eliminated that unnecessary hassle and expense.”
The BC Board once said “we don’t need no pantywaist PhDs” to run the college. Apparently BC doesn’t need teachers, either. “Imagine our delight,” Hiddin says. “When we looked at our annual costs, faculty salaries took up a surprising percentage of our budget. Cutting out that unnecessary expense saved us money and made a degree more accessible.”

The vending machines support BC’s mission to provide “associate degrees and short-term programs” that enable students. “We are student driven,” Hiddin says. “What could be more short-term than a vending machine? The hard part is finding $3,400 in quarters, but hey, BC students know college is supposed to be hard.”

- From the desk of Dean Henry

Filed Under: Education


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  1. Lorenzo says:

    BC might consider setting up the vending machines next to Red Boxes. Imagine getting a movie and a college degree in one outing to McDonald’s? If they had only had this before I wasted all that time getting my bachelors and masters degrees!

  2. Andwareekmisaloam says:

    Do you have any CHANGE? Seems my President spent all of my cash on a trip to Tobuy. I am going for a degree in political science since my release from the masimum security home for the insane. Well, why not? I should fit right in!!