Branson, MO – Local uncle Kevin Pollard has discovered an unexpected gift this holiday season: his sister’s son, Skyler, is slightly less annoying than he was this time last year.
In past years Pollard has experienced anxiety during family visits due to what some call Small Relative Stress Disorder (SRSD). “I’m just not really good with kids,” Pollard says, “Plus Skyler was kind of a dick. Can you call a kid a dick? Anyway, it got to the point that I’d stopped wanting to participate in holiday activities. But this year, something’s different. I can’t explain it. Skyler no longer makes me want to punch him in the head.”
A trend of mellowed-out youngsters seems to be on the rise, prompting a decrease in SRSD, according to Dr. Gwyneth Halbertson of The Institute for Pointless Research (IPR). “Shrieking and constantly-being-under-your feet are both down by 30% vs. last season, while asking ‘why?’ and demanding-things-from-just-out-of-reach are down by almost half,” Dr. Halbertson reports. Researchers are trying to explain this phenomenon, as currently there are no prescription drugs marketed for SRSD, and therefore no cure. She explains, “The economy’s been tough on everyone. Even small children are feeling the crunch and tightening their belts. They just can’t afford to be as annoying this year.”
Whatever the cause, Kevin Pollard looks forward to more pleasant interactions in upcoming holidays. “Who knows! I may even get to watch the Super Bowl this year!”
Filed Under: Living