Local Man Text Jinxes Bears

MSU coach totally jinxed by local man's text

Springfield, MO—Local man Jacob Porter texted his fellow Alpha Kappa Gonga brothers at the end of the Missouri State Bears game with the phrase “Bears 2 win, fo sho” a mere 90 seconds before the end of the game effectively cursing the men’s basketball team to a road loss.

“Everybody knows with the game on the line you don’t predict a win via text, right!?” said Porter’s buddy Hal Meldon. “I mean the Bears were ahead by 2 points with less than 2 minutes to go, just show some restraint!”

Meldon compared the early text victory to a baseball teammate acknowledging a no-hitter to a pitcher or mentioning to a football team that they’re going to hold a team scoreless in the game. “Statistically, if you give any sort of recognition to the physical performance of a particular sporting event, the chances of witnessing anything spectacular greatly diminishes,” said sports scientist Lonny Umberg of Nevada State University.

Bears head coach Cuonzo Martin said, “I had a great feeling going into the final two minutes that we would secure a W. Then with about 90 seconds left I got a real bad feeling. Like someone jinxed us. I later learned about the texted win prediction. That’s just some poor sportsmanship…keep your fingers quiet till the end of the game.”

Missouri State University is considering a texting ban during all forthcoming men’s basketball games to ensure victories are not compromised in the future.

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