Local Borders Patrons go Apeshit

Local man bounds up and down at the Borders discounts

Springfield (MO) – Avid readers, bargain shoppers, and moderate fans of words who need to fill up that bookshelf of theirs have been flocking to the local Borders book store since the start of its going-out-of-business sale this last Saturday. “Times are tough,” said Borders assistant manager, Lee Ledford, “and we are just one of many  stores that wasn’t doing well around the nation. The Borders Patrol noticed our situation and have decided to close our Borders.”

Ever since Borders announced it would be closing its Springfield location, the mild mannered store has been active, even chaotic with business. “It’s a madhouse here,” said Ledford, “business has been better than ever, I’ve barely been off my feet in days. Sales have been great for everything in the store…well, except for that pile of ‘The Christmas Sweater’ by Glenn Beck.” Ledford added, “we should have been going out of business for years.”

“This is an injustice to our community!” proclaimed Douglas Wick, one of the many shoppers carrying out bags full of books, DVDs, and/or “Twilight” calendars. Wick said that he has spent over $300 at Borders in the last three days, and previous to this week he had shopped at Borders only once before.

“I’m trying to save this place, I don’t think it’s too late,” said Wick, “sometimes you don’t appreciate what you’ve got until it is nearly gone, and I’m doing some real appreciating.” Wick added, “Screw Barnes & Noble!”

“It makes no sense,” shrugged Ledford just after he broke up a fight over the last copy of some Nicolas Sparks book, “these things are only 20 percent off regular price. We offer Borders Rewards coupons all the time—like once a week or so—for 33 or even 40 percent off regular price. These people would actually be getting a better deal if they shopped here before our blowout sale.”

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