Springfield, MO- After years of pain-staking research, Einstein Bros Bagel Company finally created its first uranium enriched bagel. The bagel has not only been described as delicious, but also low in fat and high in death; the destroyer of worlds.
The bagel is on sale now and is a big hit with numerous demographics. Mad scientists, Iranians, North Koreans, time traveling robots, terrorist, and Doc Brown are all very excited about the new tasty treat. The US government has also bought 3000 bagels for something that’s “really big and something they are really excited about”.
Not all are excited about the new bagels. “Stalin and Son’s Bagel Factory For The Glory of Mother Russia and the Workers” vows to steal the formula from the Brothers Einstein. “We Russians will not rest till these three things happen: moose and squirrel are dead, America hockey team beaten by magnificent crimson goliath that is USSR team, and bagel formula is in our hands,” states Gregory Stalin. When asked about plans Gregory stated, “We have been watching lot of Sponge Bob to use Plankton’s ideas. Also we like the Jurassic Park’s shaving-cream-with-hidden-compartment idea. That very good movie. Big hit in Motherland. Love to see capitalist pig lawyer getting eaten by glorious Tyrannosaurus Rex of the people. Also the kids are cute.”
Einstein Brothers says they are not worried about any attempt to steal the coveted recipe because it is kept under lock and key by Roger, the 16 year old night manager, and Kendra, his girlfriend, who sometimes hangs out there for the free soda.
Although the brothers are happy about the exciting new bagel, they are disappointed that their attempt to make a cold fusion scone has failed completely.
Filed Under: Food