Giant Fly Zapper Atop St. John’s Rids City of Mosquitoes

Cross Zapper 3000 activated at night

Springfield, MO—A new feature will be added to the cross that resides on St. John’s Hospital this Spring—a new zapper element to eliminate nuisance bugs in the Springfield area. The St. John’s bug zapper, known as Cross Zapper 3000, is anticipated to attract and kill more than 200,000 disease-carrying insects in a single evening.

Pending a few modifications to the existing structure—electrical current from the local transformer and the addition to a huge tray to collect the electrified exoskeletons—the new Cross Zapper 3000 should be up and running by the end of the week.

Dr. Kyle Themall said, “We were looking for a way to prevent the spread of encephalitis, dengue, malaria, and West Nile Fever when we realized that they were all tied to one single insect, the mosquito. After long hours of debate into the night, I strolled outside for a smoke and noticed the illuminated cross atop our building and eureka! I had the idea to make a giant bug zapper of it.”

The Cross Zapper 3000 will be run by energy efficient means as the creepy bug corpses collected will be burned in a furnace that feeds the current to the device. Said local environmentalist Guy B. Buggin, “Arthropods are among the most diverse group of animals on the planet and represent more than half of all known living organisms on Earth – I think we can afford to lose a few here in the Ozarks.”

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