Federal Government Allots Missouri Farm Land for “Sea Monkey Reserve”


Sea Monkeys take over useless farmland

Cape Girardeau, MO- The federal government allotted 130,000 acres of Missouri farm land to be transformed to a sea monkey reserve. This week, the Army Corps of Engineers blew a hole in the nearby levee, flooding thousands of acres of useless farmland to make a perfect habitat for oceanus monkius (commonly known as the sea monkey). Now the gentle non-giants can live in peace without any fear of poachers or anything larger than a thumb tack.

“Sure, some farmers may be upset, but these creatures deserve a place of their own. Now they will no longer have to live in tiny plastic aquariums on children’s desks amidst action figures and baseball gloves. Now these aqua apes have all the room they need,” states Ian Rush, leader of the SMPA (Sea Monkey Protection Agency).

Not only was the land flooded, but hundred of pounds of turquoise gravel was poured around the area to give the monkeys a more homey feel. Numerous castles where also placed randomly in the old farm land. Other decorations include destroyed farm houses, ruined crops, and cow skeletons.

“Hell yeah I am pissed,” said a local farmer. “I don’t see why I have to let those damn water chimps live on my land. Now I have to go back to my old job, system analyst at a Fortune 500 company.

The monkeys are planned to be relocated sometime next month after the federal government kills all the remaining Bin Laden clones.

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  1. Ross Cooper says:

    In a related story, spider monkeys are in an uprage, saying, I quote,”that was my water, and those where my trees!”, you sea monkeys can bite my coconuts! How dare you, you, little pink bastardos! VIA de Somewhere South of the Levee.