Branson Blasted For Serving Patrons Under 65

 

Man keepin’ Branson real…old

Branson M0- After a police sting operation, numerous restaurants in the Branson area have been found guilty of serving patrons under the age of 65. Branson known as the “Vegas of the Mid-West With Colostomy Bags” prides itself to be the vacation spot for the old and old at heart. Many of the “youngins” (people born before the 50’s) are strictly forbidden to go to many shows because of their “cock of the walk attitude” and “new fangled cell phone thingys”. But, some of the whippersnappers made it through their defenses.

“We sent three 40 year olds to see what restaurant would serve them,” said Gerald P. Fansworth between cussing at the local golf course. “Many restaurant sent them packing through the usual means: waving their canes, threatening to keep their Frisbees, and taking back their offer of the promise of hard candies. But, some of those hipsters punks slipped through.”

The usual ways of detecting non-seniors are usually 100% effective. They include trying to start causal conversations about Nixon and noting how long the turn signal was on before turning into the parking lot. Also any person eating dinner after 3:30 of course is seen as a minor.

“I can’t believe so many restaurants let those rug rats in. When I go to Branson I want to have a pleasant dinner at 3, have coffee at 5, and bed by 6. And when I have a wild, crazy night like that I don’t want any of those kiddos cramping by style,” stated Cornelius Q. Grumpton.

The leadership of Branson, the local Elks Lodge 502, issued this statement from their press conference held in a sauna: We are saddened for this news. Branson is a haven for those tired of dealing with those t-shirt wearing, iPOD having, Bravo watching, young people. We gave them a deal: we let them have that Branson Landing with its fancy ice cream and olive painting stores. And then they stay the hell out of real Branson. Next time we see them we will spank them on site.

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