Springfield, MO- All across Springfield many boyfriends are hiding in terror as MSU’s Tent Theatre prepares to premier their opening night. The boyfriends are in hiding because they know their girlfriends will mercilessly force them to see one of the three plays and would rather plunge themselves off a cliff than see garish musicals or straight plays.
The boyfriends are hiding in numerous places. The most common hiding spots include friends’ houses, sports bars, and forts made out of couch cushions. But, more terrified beaus are forced to hide in secret compartments in their space ships (usually used for smuggling), old, abandoned refrigerators (even though it was strictly forbade by 1980’s GI Joe cartoons), and all-women apartments while wearing drag.
“I don’t know what the big deal is,” states girlfriend Ashelie Banks on horse back, while surveying the land. “I go to his stupid sports stuff all the time.” She then tossed a net at her boyfriend as he made a mad dash out of the tall grass, hoping to make it to freedom.
Horseback net throws via “Planet of the Apes” are not the only way desperate girlfriends ensnare their wayward lovers. Other tactics include SS style raids on “Big Whiskeys”, mechanical hounds created to sniff out AXE body spray, and flying monkeys.
“This is real bad man, real bad. But, I am not going to set on those metal chairs for two hours while some idiot sings about this bow tie or some crap. Oh no..here they come. Why are they blue? Monkeys are not blue!!!!” states Steve Manson before he was drug away by a fleet of flying primates.
Some bf’s think they can find the fabled Man-valon. A mythical city full of touch football, beer, X-Box, and nothing resembling culture what so ever. They use clues found in old SEGA Madden Games, Mountain Dew bottles, and Playboy centerfolds to find the fabled city to no avail.
Filed Under: Living