Backwoods “Martha Stewart” Host Delightful Bar-B-Que

Roasting over a redneck fire

Springfield, MO- Billy Ray Grangerford hosted a delightful Bar-B-Que last night according to numerous party guests. Billy, known as the Martha Stewart of the backwoods, has hosted many events from the past such as: Ray’s “Road House” themed bachelor party, “Everywhich way But Loose” movie night complete with “monkey brain” made with food coloring and badger brains, moonshine tasting, and Ray’s “Road House” themed divorce party.

“This party is going be amazing,” said friend Austin Houston. “Billy Ray’s cooking makes my Aunt Grandma’s famous catfish surprise taste like crap..which makes since because it is mostly made of crap” Austin was wearing a tuxedo T-shirt, jeans, light up belt buckle, and cowboy boots.

The guests were greeted with a three-course meal. The night began with a meet-and-greet coupled with squirrel tartare appetizers. Then guest were then seated and treated to road kill armadillo soup served in an upturned armadillo shell. While the soup was being served guest were shareing sparkling conversations about: their respective damn dogs, the new style of trucker hats, and Voltaire’s classical work Candide’s perfect ability to level the patio table. The main course was wild hog stuffed with bacon and pork chops.

“Thatwasonefineassdinner,”said Suzie Lee Carter, “IfeltlikeIwasCindyellaattheball.” Suzi was wearing a jeans cut off, plaid shirt tied over her beer gut, and saran wrap shoes.

The dining area was decorated with candles in fox skulls, old cars, and centerpieces created out of beer cans coupled with shell casings.“It’s a good thing,” said Billy Ray.

Because of the parties’ complete success, Billy is looking forward to his July 4^th party. “It is going to be Winter’s Bone meets Studio 54, you do the math,”stated Billy. “And yes, I did say mAth.”

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