Pitt Adopts Population of Joplin

Pitt surveying his new children of Joplin.

Joplin, MO- Even though The Pitts donated thousands of dollars for the tornado relief effort, they still filed paperwork yesterday that make them adopted parents of every single resident of Joplin, Missouri. Once completed, the Joplin residents will move to either the Pitts home in California or Southern France (their home in New Orleans is still being used to house Brad Pitt’s collection of vintage Pez dispensers). Even they know feeding, clothing, and education the 174,300 residents will be a challenge they know it will be well worth it. “I can’t wait to hang out and play with my thousands of brothers and sisters”, states 41-year-old Charles Carter (renamed Zamabini by the Pitts). “It is going to awesome”

Because of lack of space many of the Joplians will have to share rooms, live in tents on the luxurious grounds, and in the Angelia’s walk in closet (which has 4 levels and more square yardage than a baseball diamond). Many don’t mind because the rooms, tent, and closet are many times larger than their current living conditions.

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But, some residents are not happy with the arrangement. “You are not my real dad,” shouts 29-year-old Kari Saunders (renamed Vonanamarondafifa by the Pitts) to Brad Pitt. “You can’t tell me what to do no matter how many block busters you were in. And I thought Benjamin Button was over-rated with many heavy handed metaphors!”

Now that Joplin is total void of human life it can be used as a parking lot for the various casinos across the state border.