Battlefield Mall to Stage Reenactment


Mall rioters moments before the outburst

Springfield, MO – In conjunction with the sesquicentennial of the Civil War, Battlefield Mall will be staging a reenactment commemorating its own civil war. Battlefield Mall is in fact not named for Battlefield Street, nor for the town, or the civil war battles. Battlefield Mall is named for it’s own battle, nearly forgotten to history.

In 1999, Sbarro and Orange Julius attempted to secede from the mall. They claimed it was due to mall management growing too powerful and not recognizing store’s rights. Other stores, to the north of the food court, claimed the issue was over the low, or non-existent, wages they were paying their employees.

The first battle broke out when Sbarro employees marched down to Claire’s with piles of pepperonis in their hands throwing them at the merchandise and customers. A group of teenage girls banded together led by Katelyn Rew.  They grabbed cheap earrings and fended off the attack, forcing the marauders back into the food court.

Soon, both sides were organizing. JC Penney’s helped build a wall separating the food court from the rest of the mall using portable barbecue grills. Hot Topic customers were often on the front line, firing spiked collars over the wall.

The battle raged for hours, with many casualties. Orange Julius had the greatest losses, losing 5 employees, and 14 vats of “The Original,” which was used as ammo. The food court was occupied by both sides several times. Many from Abercrombie and Fitch were forced to choose sides, with bro fighting bro.

Before the battle ended, Famous Barr was assassinated while he watched a talent show.

The reenactment is scheduled for July 26th, the 12 year anniversary, of the Treaty of Mastercuts. The organizers are still looking for people willing to portray soldiers. The organizers would like participants to dress like mall patrons of the time. Suggestions are bleach blonde hair for guys and Britney Spears’ schoolgirl outfit for girls.

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  1. Hines says:

    “Bro fighting bro”, CLASSIC! I love you guys.

  2. [...] [I wrote today's article over on Fair City News. It will make sense to Sprinfieldians, but probably not to others.] [...]

  3. April says:

    Was Hot Topic there is 1999? :(