Heerpees Disease Spreads to Buildings

Building covered with latex to prevent disease

Springfield, MO – Concerns for the health of vacant buildings in Springfield have been raised by city officials since a developer for Hickory Hills missed a payment deadline on the property.  It appears the same problems with Hickory Hills and the Heers building are strangely similar.  To see if the problems with these properties are in any way related, fluid, material samples and copies of development promises have been taken from both sites have been sent to the Center for Building Control located in Jefferson City.

Springfield Health official Tom Cleanbreath reports the findings from Jefferson City are not good.  “What the reports are saying is that the Hickory Hills property has is the same thing the Heers building has in the case of broken deals by the developer.  The good news is we now know what we are dealing with.  Tests results have confirmed that we have a building disease that is spreading called Heerpees.  At first we thought it might be a strain of Heerpatitis Type H but the tests to confirm it is Heerpees.

The developer Saul Lasso says that there is a cure for Heerpees and that is time and money.  “I admit that having Heerpees could hurt getting a anchor tenant for the property. No business wants to be in a location where there is disease.  Having Heerpees will not bring in customers.  There is a cure however and that is time extensions, loans, and tax incentives.  With those remedies in place I am sure Heerpees will be wiped out of Springfield forever.”

With these new findings City officials are being proactive in making sure the spread of Heerpees will try to be contained.  Giant latex wrappers will now cover the Heers and Hickory Hills buildings.  Any other property in the city limits that has been vacant for more than 6 months will also be covered in latex.  “Now we know what we are dealing with, we will make these buildings safe for the taxpayers and any future developers.”, reports Cleanbreath.

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