Banned Book Becomes Top-Seller in Republic


Republic's new best read book

REPUBLIC (MO) – Two books, “Slaughterhouse Five” by Kurt Vonnegut and “Twenty Boy Summer” by Sarah Ockler, have been banned from Republic High School’s curriculum and library. This decision was inspired by complaints from Missouri State University associate professor of management, Les Scoggins, who claims that the books contain material too shocking for teenagers who about to graduate and enter the real world.

The decision has gotten international attention and many students have been curious as to what they are missing out on. While several students are reading Ockler’s novel, many more are reading Vonnegut’s, thanks to donations from the Kurt Vonnegut Library, and because it is consistently ranked as one of the greatest American Novels of the 20th century.

“When I heard Professor Scoggins complain about how many ‘F-words’ are in the book, I couldn’t wait to read it,” said Alan Campbell, a sophomore at Republic High School. “There are actually only sixteen ‘F-words’ in the whole book. I counted. And they are not on every other page, like Scoggins said. I mean, I say more curse words than that before my first class starts each day. But I really liked the book, even though there wasn’t enough swearing.”

“I don’t think they need to be reading this trash,” said Marci Sharp, a member of Republic High School’s PTA, “and I know ‘Slaughterhouse Five’ is trash because I read it! Students shouldn’t be learning about themes like satire, war, fate, and freewill. It just isn’t moral.”

Sharp is encouraging that other books be banned from the school’s library as well. “I think we should get rid of ‘The Great Gatsby.’ Too many parties. And ‘To Kill A Mockingbird.’ It’s plain racist! Oh, and definitely get rid of ‘The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe,’ because witches are of the devil.”

“All of my friends love ‘Slaughterhouse Five’ too,” said Campbell. “I’m so glad Scoggins made such a big deal about it, because otherwise I may have never realized I could enjoy reading so much.”

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  1. Dave says:

    Chambers of commerce and tourist bureaus around the country are watching this one closely. You just can’t buy this kind of attention and the protesters are filling the local motels and popular restaurants. Communities are looking around at what books their schools can discontinue using and raise an international ruckus. My old school considered banning “Silas Marner” and former students cheered. The Atlanta schools proposed banning “Gone with the Wind”. The post baby boom generations have never heard of that book even though it’s only 30 years older than “Slaughterhouse” and they don’t know how Scarlett survived the fire bombing of Atlanta by the Yankees.