Billy Long Jumps Into Presidential Race; Causes 5.8 Earthquake

Long causes rare quake in D.C.

Springfield, MO – According to members of his staff, US Congressman Billy Long has jumped into the Presidential Race with both feet, triggering a terrifying and destructive 5.8 magnitude earthquake in Washington, D.C. this week.

“When I heard Billy Long was now it the race, my whole body shook with fear,” said Norma Henkly who was in Richmond, VA visiting family, “only after a few moments did I realize that it wasn’t anger or fear that my skin was quivering, rather the structural terra-firma beneath our government was shifting with explosive passion a-rattling my bones.”

When reached for comment, Long shifted focus from his Earth-trembling lurching and quickly reminded
all registered voters that National Auctioneer Day is fast approaching and asked, “how much would you give to elect America’s first Auctioneer-In-Chief? Do I hear 1-hammina, 2-hammina, 3 electoral votes?!”

Officials are still looking in to whether the portly Presidential candidate’s feet hitting the ground were solely responsible for the earthquake or if the announcement itself triggered a rotating motion of our founding fathers rolling in their graves that helped contribute to the volatile shaking of American soil.

The aftershocks of Long’s announced candidacy will be felt for weeks and the impact will be global. “Long said that he didn’t want Ghadafi to get any more press coverage, so it was time to make a move now, so that focus could be placed back onto US politics. He thinks people are fed up with Ghadafi,” said one staffer.

Long’s team plans to release a Presidential campaign similar to his successful “Fed Up” approach; the new tagline is rumored to be “Shake it Up” America or alternatively “Truffle Shuffle in the Beltway”.

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