Springfield, MO- Even though they have only been living together for just a few weeks, Larry Harshman and Kyle Founder’s relationship has reached a breaking point. The two MSU freshmen had high hopes for their living situations when coming into the fall semester. Bonding over such things as all-night Halo death matches, acting as each other’s wingman, and splitting pepperoni pizzas while watching Judd Apatow comedies topped the list. But after 14 days their living situation has turned into living nightmare.
“I hate that guy. Everything he does makes me want to shoot him and then myself, right in the teeth. He watches Leno instead of Letterman. He wears the color red way too much. He thinks Darth Vader can beat The Hulk in a fight. He covers his fries in ketchup instead of dipping them. The guy is literally insane,” complained Larry to his friend Ben Weaver at the Blair-Shannon dining hall.
Over the phone, Kyle confided his complaints to Sara – his long-distance girlfriend – about Larry. He says Larry brushes his teeth with a brand of toothpaste he never heard of before, thinks Jessica Alba is hotter than Jessica Biel, always has to eat right at 6:15, and somehow cheats at Madden ’11.
The situation got especially tense when Kyle noticed Larry using one of his forks.
“I was like what the hell man? And he was like what’s the big deal? And I was like that’s my eff-ing fork,” whined Kyle.
The situation didn’t get any easier when Kyle invited his hometown friends to the dorm for a visit. The friends, according to Larry, where total uber-dorks who laughed like retarded donkeys, debated over stupid crap like “Which is better: Hogwarts or Xavier’s School for Gifted Children”, and ate cheese whiz and crackers as if it were a gourmet delicacy.
Kyle and Larry both decided that it would be best to switch roommates at semester’s end.
“I am sure the kid in my bio class would be the perfect roommate…although he does breath through his nose too much and always wears ironic vintage T-shirts,” opined Larry.
Filed Under: Living