DRURY BUYS MSU’S EXCESS WATER

Water stations to be located on Campus

Springfield MO.-  Drury University announced today that it will purchase water from Missouri State University for 30 years at a price of 12 million dollars per year.  Apparently MSU can afford to sell off its excess water since filtered water stations have sprung up all over campus.  Water researchers have indicated that more of the filtered water stations will appear every 50 feet throughout the 575-acre campus.

“There appears to be no end it sight for our ability to tap into this water supply.  We have concluded from our extensive studies and research that the water supply is endless,” commented Jack Dewett vice president of new expenditures.  “We obviously have more water than we will ever use,  We can have a wet T-shirt contest every day and never run out.  For us to sell the water to Drury makes perfect business sense.  We have it. They want it.  Everyone wins on this deal.”

Drury officials were elated at the chance to get a different source of hydration for their staff and students.  “We are proud to partner with our good friends at Missouri State on this exciting venture.  We are getting a real bargain for the next 30 years and there will be only a modest increase in student tuition to pay for it,” said John Highwater, vice president of student fees.  “I’m not sure how long people have been using water as a source of hydration.  I am betting that this is not a fad,” commented Highwater.  “For years we thought water was just used to shower and flush the toilet. Occasionally, our ground crews have been known to use it when we haven’t gotten any rain.  Now the problem we will have, and it will be a good problem is to introduce our students to it.  For quite a while the only hydration they had was being all jacked up on Mountain Dew and Red Bull or being knee-walking drunk on beer.  Having water could be a real shock to their systems.  We will have medical professionals on alert for any situations that might occur.”

Piping the water across town will begin in two weeks.  There has been some concern for the cost and practicality voiced by the Drury students themselves and some alumni.  “I can assure you that Drury will come out clean and shining on this thing,” lamented Highwater.  “We have learned that Springfield City Utilities will soon raise its water rates.  We are just diving head first with Missouri State so we won’t have to depend on CU for an outside water source.”

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