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New Digital Road Signs Offer Vague Advice

 

New road signs should offer up helpful reminders

Springfield, MO – Distant and vague messages such as “Seatbelts Save Lives”, and “Speed Limit Enforced” have begun to appear on Springfield’s newest digital road signs begging the question: why?

 

Local motorist Luke Feelyajum said, “I thought the messages would be a bit more useful than what I’ve seen so far. Perhaps a ‘Just Say No’ or ‘Accident Ahead’ would be  nice.”

Representatives for the signage have stated that they are simply warming up the signs and introducing motorists to the digital messaging, easing them into the constant bombardment of messaging during daily commutes. In the meantime, drivers have put together a list of more beneficial messages that they would like to see while navigating city streets.

They include: Fortune Cookie Messages, Lucky Numbers, Love advice, Horoscopes, TV programming schedules, NFL fantasy team updates, spoiler alerts, checking email, reporting vehicle speeds, low tire pressure indicator, heads-up that someone is tailgating you, reminder that you didn’t use your turn signal, almost time to gas up, speed trap ahead, lyrics to that song I can’t remember, a nice recipe for Dutch apple pie, gardening tips, best place for a good night’s rest, nearing a known sex offender’s home, giving time and temperature, slight bump in the road warming, countdown to New Year’s, reminder to pick up milk on the way home, current cholesterol levels, nearest buy-one-get-one-free offer on candy bars and a reminder that your anniversary is coming up.

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  1. Dave says:

    They considered and rejected a suggestion to carry the scores of the Chiefs and Rams games. It would enable drivers to follow the games without the distraction of tuning in the games on the radio. But with the way things are going this year, it might lead to road rage.