Archive for December, 2011
Springfield Cardinals Extends Offer to Pujols
Springfield, MO – Jumping into the Albert Pujols race at the last minute is the local Texas League AA affiliate, the Springfield Cardinals. Following the revelation that the Miami Marlins dropped out of the race, the little Cards decided that they should join the Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and St. Louis Cardinals […]
More Time to Text & Driving During Bad Weather
Springfield, MO – Drivers experienced more time to text and drive on Tuesday as a slight dusting of snow snarled traffic to a standstill on most major thoroughfares. Barely 1/8” of God’s powder covered city streets signaling the all-clear for creeping vehicle speeds, over-cautious braking and snail’s pace right-hand turns. “Effing shoot me in the […]
“Cox” & “Swallow” Street Signs Vandalized Again
Springfield, MO – An unfortunate intersection bearing a lewd name has once again been vandalized, in fact the street signs at Cox and Swallow have routinely been stolen only to be proudly displayed in a mancave, garage or fraternity house. “Swallow Cox – get it?!” said Nick Jubery, a sophomore at Missouri State University, “You […]
Mighty Blue Beacon Lost in Night’s Sky
Springfield, MO – Local ambulances, patients and hospital visitors to St. John’s have had extreme difficulty locating the healthcare institution since the giant illuminated cross has been extinguished atop the structure. The cross served as a beacon of sorts, leading the infirm to a place of healing and hope. “I wandered the black night searching […]
Councilman Road Warrior to Patrol City Streets
Springfield, MO – City voters have bestowed a unique honor upon a brave councilman after he displayed dogged-determination and excellent decision making skills to pursue and confront a poor driver; the new position–a division of the street enforcement team – will be known as City Councilman Road Warrior. “He’s pretty good at finding less than […]
