CU Water Tower Located Underground Thanks to God Particle

Underground water tower

Springfield, MO – The board of public utilities voted to secure an underground location to house a new water tower. The new tower will be housed 3 miles underground northeast of Highland Springs Country Club near Farm Road 189 and U.S. 60.

The board appeased objections to residents living both sides of U.S. 65 near Evans Road who feared that property values and sightlines would be compromised. “The ability to place a water tower underground provides many benefits,” said BOPU member H. Arthur Beowrey. According to reports, the underground water tower is the first in the country and utilizes some amazing technology.

“We harnessed to power of the God particle from recent Large Hadron Collider (LHC) tests to reverse the flow of water from underground to above ground,” said Swiss scientist Borg De Borge. “Apparently the need for invisible water tower production is capable with the elusive and previously hypothetical Higgs boson massive elementary particle.”

Originally, the God particle was expected to explain the existence of a field (called the Higgs field) which permeates space, that would break electroweak gauge symmetry which in turn gives rise to the Higgs mechanism. It is the simplest process capable of giving mass to the gauge bosons while remaining compatible with gauge theories.

Opponents of the plan simply suggest that a reverse water pump would solve the issue.

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  1. Dave says:

    My friend Joe Bob, who lives in a house just north of Evans Rd, told me they “don’t need no stinking towers of water”. All you have to do to get water is turn on the faucet. How the water gets to the faucet is a complete mystery to the whole subdivision, and it’s somebody else’s problem anyway.

  2. Dave says:

    I can’t wait to see the technology that enables the cell phone antennas, like the ones attached to every water tower in town, to work underground.