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Man Lost for Days Inside Battlefield Mall

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Man found in fetal position inside Battlefield Mall

Springfield, MO – Jerry Strafford spend the better part of a week trying to find his way out of the Battlefield Mall located in Springfield, MO. Strafford’s wife reported him missing after he went for a drink of water during a shopping spree to find him a  new pair of jeans.

The labyrinth of straight hallways and crowds of people confused Strafford to the point of bewilderment and he could not find his way back to the food court, a predetermined location of rendezvous with his wife. “I had my compass strapped to my jeans belt loop but it was no good. I couldn’t tell which was way up and the crowds of people only added to my frustration. That little girl with the multiple facial piercings haunted me for days. She just stared at me with a blank face, like I pity you.”

Strafford was too embarrassed to ask for help and frequently hid away in a side room to spend the night among mannequins and overstock. “I survived on dippin’ dots and Auntie Ann’s most of the time. I would have talked to the mall police but they were on motorized horses that scared the devil out of me,” said Strafford wiping a tear from his eye.

“I found Jerry crawling on his hands and knees outside a calendar kiosk, I think he was looking for loose change for the candy machine. It was bittersweet, I was happy to have him back but devastated that a shopping mall experience could destroy a man in this way,” said his wife.

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  1. Dave says:

    Strafford is due in circuit court to have his man card revoked over this incident. There is no way a real man could get lost in our little straight forward mall unless he wandered into the Dillards on the north side of the mall.