Bad Teeth, Use of Phrase “Crikey” Oust British Fugitive in Ozark

Teeth “throw a spanner in the works”

Springfield, MO – A British fugitive was recently found in Ozark, MO trying to blend into his local surroundings. Authorities say they were tipped off by local residents as the man smelled of cabbage and haggis. The accused is said to have pulled off the “perfect crime” by driving off in a security van with 50 bags of coins and notes worth $1.5 million in 1993.

“I remember him. He always said weird things like ‘sixes and sevens’,
‘mutt’s nuts’ and once he told me I had a ‘crusty dragon’ when my
allergies were acting up,” said Nate Kowalski, “he was real nice though.
” Neighbors reported the man as being suspicious. One woman, Gail Yonkalits said, “we lived next door to him for about 2 years and he never smoked meth or chewed tobacco, yet he had the worst teeth I’d even seen. Somethin’ ain’t right about that. So I called the cops to see what would cause that and they said he’s prolly British or foreign or somethin’ and I was astounded.”

Sherriff’s deputies kept the man under surveillance during which they determined that he drank tea at regular intervals during the day, watched soccer, and even had an unusual flag hanging from the back window of his pickup truck. “It turns out his flag was not a twist on the rebel flag that we assumed it was…we learned it was another flag called a Union Jack,” said one perplexed officer.

“I just can’t believe that we had an illegal alien in our midst. I mean he could have spread his accent to other people or sumpin’,” said Joey Neferton of Ozark, “he picked the wrong place to blend in, we find strangers really quickly ‘round here. Didn’t bother me that he had guns, but it did bother me that he said ‘crikey’ all the time.”

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