Hackers Disappointed with Stolen Identities

Big red box on square will contain City's secrets

Springfield, MO – After a recent website attack on springfieldmo.gov, hackers associated with the group “Anonymous” were disappointed to learn that they had stolen personal identification of regular citizens who live regular lives.

A spokesperson for “Anonymous” known as Hugh Dunnowmie said, “We were hoping to find personal information on Brad Pitt, Bob Barker or at the very least some record involving Yakov Smirnoff. Instead we walked away with online police reports, online job applications, y’know these people don’t have anything. What a waste of time.”

The group claims it accessed data from the city that includes names, Social Security numbers, cell phones, addresses and physical descriptions of more than 2,100 normally boring citizens. Max Frustrey said, “hey man that’s cool if they have my information. I can just take someone else’s. Like that Englishman who was busted in Ozark – I hear his identity is coming available.”

City Officials have decided to remove sensitive personal information from their collective websites due and instead host the files in a milk box near the fountain on the square. “At least the hackers won’t get the info that way. Plus we have security cameras up so we could actually see who was trying to take the physical files,” said a city official.

“We’re honored that the group Anonymous decided to focus on our small town here in the Ozarks. I’m guessing Julian Assange literally threw a dart at a spinning globe to determine the next hack-attack. Our city was pierced through by the dart. I can’t wait to see what WikiLeaks will report: government makes people wait in extremely long line to renew driver license,” said Sam Kwillow of Springfield.

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Filed Under: Technology


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  1. Dave says:

    I live across the street from Homer and Marge Simpson, and Ned Flanders. Myrmidons sent by Anonymous are always going through their trash cans at the curb. They commuicate in short grunts and their knuckles drag on the ground. I believe if the Simpsons had an outhouse, people from anonymous would be right in there stirring it. I notice Anonymous doesn’t advertise their own social security numbers. I call them anonymous hypocrites.