Chateau On The Lake Hit By Iceberg

Iceberg takes down Chateau

Springfield, MO- Tragedy struck on Saturday when the premier Branson resort (called unsinkable by the press) was hit by an iceberg and slowly sunk into the lake, taking numerous souls with down with her. Ironically the disaster struck exactly 100 years after the Titanic met its icy fate. Many blame the tragedy on man’s hubris.

“My engineers warned me about the lack of life boats,” said the hotel owner. “I told them hotels on land don’t need life boats because they are hotels and on land. I was such a fool.” The iceberg was being delivered by tugboat to Silver Dollar City when the boat lost control and the iceberg careened at the resort at 0.5 mile per hour.

“I guess we are partially to blame because first the iceberg struck the resort, then melted around it causing the victims to drown in freezing cold water,” said Jonathon Silverdollar, the heir of the Silver Dollar City fortune, “But, people want their snow cones, and if I can think there are better ways to make snow cones other than shaving a genuine hand delivered Atlantic Ocean iceberg, I would love to hear it.”

Once the iceberg hit, it tore through the beach then struck the resort at 11:40 AM. Panicked people raced to the few lifeboats. First it was wives and mothers, then mistresses, cute children, normal children, AAA members, Discover cardholders, good tippers, and then everyone else. Although the chivalrous plan was set into motion, chaos soon broke out.

“When people found out about the lack of lifeboats, they went mad especially since we offered our premier members more leg room by decline other passengers. And it was poor hindsight that we replaced all our very buoyant wooden tables with marble laden pieces,” said hotel first mate Randall Parkson.

The rescue was delayed because the coast guard took hours to get to the accident. “Sure we were right there, said Police Commissioner Williams. “But, a sinking vessel is a coast guard thing. Plus it was really late at night.” Branson plans to make a museum commemorating the tragedy.

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