Crowds Gather Too Close to Battlefield Mall Bomb Scare

Potentially explosive device biggest draw of traffic at Mall

Springfield, MO – Crowd gathered uncomfortably close to a bomb investigation this week at the Battlefield Mall, a Simon property. The suspicious device was reported by an astute shopper after seeing a bag on the ground with wires poking out of it. While police determined if armored men or a bomb defusing robot should go in to investigate, several onlookers got an up-close view of the device.

“I smelled it, didn’t seem like any sort of explosive device was in the bag,” said Roy Pillar of the Ravenswood neighborhood, “Kinda like an old man smell, but no dynamite or clay or anything that would be blown up.” He wasn’t the only one who witnessed the frightening scene. Polly McDunkins said, “I was really near the bag and was thinking ‘OMG if this goes off it could do a lot of damage’ so I snuck up closer to see if it really was a bomb that would obliterate an entire city block. I mean c’mon I’ve never seen such a thing before!”

Battlefield Mall security pleaded with crowds to keep their distance before SPD arrived; however, a nothing draws a crowd like a crowd. “We offered sidewalk sales at JC Penny, half off deals at Auntie Ann’s but all people wanted to do was see a life-ending, horrific explosive device that could shred a horse into thousands of pieces,” said Norm Fajjerty on his modified Segway.

“Looks like a computer battery to me,” said 8-year-old Jeffrey Livingstonshire. To which hundreds of gathered onlookers chuckled. The device was ruled nonthreatening after a Springfield firefighter ripped off his clothes, soaked his ass in water and jumped onto the bag, potentially sacrificing his own life.

The Battlefield Mall will honor his actions every year with an “Explosive Sidewalk Sale!” to benefit the Police and Firefighter’s fund each year going forward.

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