Seymour, MO- After years of only using turn of the century technology the Amish community in Seymour, Missouri decided it is time to move into the future. After a council meeting of the Society Elders it was decided that members of the community can use technology up to the mid-90’s.
“When we stopped progressing technology to avoid the evils of modern life, we never thought it was going to go this far. Sure, we were able to avoid the temptation of the horseless carriage, radio, and television. But, computers? DVD? Walk-men? Tamagotchi? We are not made of stone.”
They later stated that technology won’t be considered evil as long as it is 20 years obsolete instead of a hundred.
Because of the 90’s upgrade there will be numerous changes to the community. Instead of black outfits all members will wear grungy plaid and ripped jeans. Instead of churning butter, making quilts and jams, and traveling by horse drawn carriage they will be churning out simple web sites using HTML, making observational humor and wooden cases for beanie babies ,and travel by winged toasters. Also all male-female relationships will be changed from marriages to “will they or won’t they” relationship likened to Ross and Rachael in the first 5 seasons of Friends. And their main source of entertainment will be Jim Carry movies before he got all serious and “act-y”.
“We are very excited about the changes,” states community member Elijah Woodstack. “Of course the punishments are even worse now. You will either be put into the Real World type confessional booth and tell about all you discretions or wear the stained blue dress of shame.”
But, the Amish still have a sincere reverence for their beliefs. They pray daily and songs of faith can be heard during the morning worship. “I am all out of faith, this is how I feel. I am cold and ashamed laying naked on the floor,” the members sing in perfect unison during a morning church meeting.
The Amish will still be pacifist, only fighting if a Cacodemon wonders into the area or aliens wearing biomechanical suits blow up their newly raised barns (and only thing if Will Smith is not around). Ice Cream shoved in their face will still be allowed, but only if it is Dippin’ Dots, the ice cream of the future.
Filed Under: Technology
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.