Nuns Hospitalized for Heat Exhaustion at Non-Bikini Car Wash

Nuns screaming with heat-stroke

Springfield, MO- Three nuns were hospitalized yesterday when an ill-planned fundraiser went totally awry. The nuns where brought in for heat exhaustion after washing numerous cars in their full nun attire (habits). Due to the excesses heat, humidity, and modesty the nuns faced dehydration as well as numerous other problems.

“We just wanted to make some extra money for the orphanage,” said sister Mary Marks as she lay in the hospital guzzling holy Gatorade. “I heard car washes were the way to go. I know we aren’t those sexy nuns like in ‘The Sound of Music’, but I thought it would work. It did not.”

Not only was over heating a problem, but also the sheer weight of the garments. “When those things get wet they get heavy. I felt like I was Simon of Cyrene when I was carrying buckets of water and sponges.”

Other problems included patrons sneaking in and getting drunk on communion wine, children blowing spit wads while the nuns where not looking, and priests having to perform an exorcism on a possessed car named “Christine”.

The nuns did manage to make some money for the orphanage before the ambulance arrived. The patrons were not only happy with their clean cars, but the “wet penguin suit” contests, the sporadic wrist spankings by rulers, and two of the young nuns showing some “forehead”. After it was said and done the nuns made over 500 dollars for the orphanage.

“I was so happy it won’t close down,” states orphan Oliver Pip. “Now I won’t have to be a pick pocket; move in with a distance, grumpy relative, or fight crime in an animal themed costume. I can just eat all the gruel I want.” The nuns plan to follow up the event with a weed brownie bake sale and strip bingo nights.

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