Covert Prayer Interferometer Coming Soon!

One part of a larger plan

Springfield, MO – Last night, Fair City News received secret documents from an anonymous source indicating that the Assemblies of God (AOG) headquarters based in Springfield, Missouri, are behind the plans for the new 200 foot tall walk-through cross to be built near Branson.  However, the information that has local conspiracy bloggers abuzz is that once constructed, this giant cross will apparently be linked to two other giant crosses, one in Effingham, Illinois, and the other outside of Amarillo, Texas, creating a gargantuan interferometer, or antenna, that along with the giant praying hands in Webb City, Missouri, will channel prayer energy from the Midwest directly into outer space in order to summon the early return of Jesus Christ.  Attempts to contact AOG officials about the leaked documents were unsuccessful.

Being called the VLPA (Very Large Prayer Array), this interferometer cover-up is inspired by the Catholic Church’s early yet futile attempts to build two antennas.  The first, disguised as the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, and the other as the cross at the Valley of the Fallen in Spain.

Adding to this unfolding web of conspiracy is the puzzling placement of the recently constructed Pensmore Mansion in Highlandville, Missouri.  For the last year, theories have been rampant as to what the true purpose of this supposedly indestructible mansion would be.  Why build such a structure in the middle of the Ozarks? It now appears that it will ultimately serve as the future home and operational headquarters for the King of Kings.

The public still has many questions about channeling such a great amount of focused prayer energy into space, as it has yet never been attempted.  Some people seem to be excited about the project. Others worry about the many complications that could arise.  Popular concerns range from the energy being harnessed by evil aliens to somehow bringing forth an “imposter” or “bizarro” Jesus by summoning him too early.

We will keep you informed as details emerge.

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