Silver Dollar City Goes Through De-Monstering For Kids Festival

Child enjoying de-monsterization at SDC

Branson, MO- With Silver Dollar City’s Kidsfest in full swing, many preparations are being made. Rides are being tested, candy is being cottonized, big name stars like “Backyardigans and Sponge Bob” are being catered with their every need, and monsters are being destroyed.

“Kid’s safety is the number one priority here at Silver Dollar City and nothing is more dangerous than horrible hell beast feeding on child flesh. Of course they are everything in the normal world: in closets, under beds, in basements. But, we have our share of them here. I mean the Flooded Mine is chalk full of them. We keep telling people, those aren’t mannequins, they are horrible giants! How can you not tell. Look at them,“ said PR manager Hector Standish.
According to Standish, other locations of monsters are: in the inky depths of all water rides, the shadows in Grandfather’s Mansion, and lurking in the wooded areas.

“And don’t even think about going on the train,” Standish tells FCN. We don’t tell people to ‘keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle’ because of hitting trees. Once those forest goblins grab you the best case scenario is they put you to work in their acorn mines. The worst? Well, lets just say they start with the eye balls.”

The de-monstering is done with various methods. Monster poison (two parts unicorn blood, one part orphan tears) can be sprayed in forested areas., knights are released to hunter their nature prey, and bazookas with silver tipped rockets are given to all employees in case a monster is sited.

“Sure silver bullets work really well,” says Standish, “but I mean rockets? You can’t beat that.”
Park representatives state that even though some monsters may slip through the cracks, the majority have been removed.

“Expect for the green-tongued kandra,” adds Standish. “And boy, does that thing like to eat kids. But, don’t worry. He gets full…eventually.”

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